DEAR ABBY: I am a 30-year-old woman with a baby due in June. This will be my parents' first grandchild, and they are over the moon.
I have a full-time job, but I live with them because I go to school part-time. After paying tuition and other bills, I can't afford to live on my own. Moving out is not an option right now.
The problem is my father's drinking. He starts early in the afternoon and continues until bedtime. He is retired and doesn't think he has a problem.
I mentioned to my mother tonight that if he thinks I will let him hold my child after he's been drinking, he has another think coming. informed me that it is none of my business! When I said it is my child and that makes it my business, she just nodded. She doesn't know what to do about it, and I don't either.
I love my dad, but I have to be a , and that means putting my child's welfare first. I want Dad to be a part of my child's life, but not when he is in a stupor every night. How do I tell him that his drinking will affect his role as a grandparent? -- EXPECTANT MOM IN WISCONSIN
DEAR EXPECTANT MOM: You tell him in plain English, preferably in the morning while he's still sober, and do not allow yourself to be dissuaded. If necessary, make outside arrangements for if you cannot be present to supervise because it appears your mother has no influence over your father's actions. I'm sure you are a good daughter, but in your new role as a parent you MUST protect your child because he or she will be completely dependent on you.
Both you and your mother could benefit by joining Al-Anon, an offshoot of Alcoholics Anonymous that supports friends and families who are affected by a loved one with a drinking problem. It is listed in most telephone directories or can be contacted through www.al-anon.alateen.org for the location of the nearest chapter. Please don't wait. Because your is in denial, you are going to need all of the support you can get.DEAR EXPECTANT MOM: Don't be such a hater. It's clear your dad likes getting drunk, I recommend not putting a harsh on his buzz or I will give him the advice RIGHT NOW to hit you over the head with one of his empty bottles. If he drinks cans I will then recommend switching to bottles because hitting a can across someones head isn't effective unless its full. But then you can potentially waste the beer... that's no good for an alcoholic.
Also, you should have wrote sooner, I could have gave you a link to an abortion clinic.
DEAR ABBY: My father has always been a caring parent. Even after he and Mom divorced, he was there for my sister and me.
A few months ago, I found out that we may have a half-brother from an affair Dad had with a married woman. Rumor has it that the guy is a dead ringer for my father.
Would it be wrong to approach Dad and ask about this potential half-brother, or should I just let sleeping dogs lie? -- OLDER SISTER IN MAINE
DEAR OLDER SISTER: I see no reason why you shouldn't tell your father what you heard and ask if it's true. Not all rumors are true -- and he may be as surprised as you to hear the news if his married girlfriend didn't tell him she had conceived his child.
DEAR OLDER SISTER: Your name is pretty damn presumptuous. What is it with you women today and prodding around in their daddy's business? Definitely let sleeping dogs lie because if they wake up they could bite you in the neck or have rabies or be one of those little fuzzy dogs that hump the shit out of your leg. You want neither your father nor your potentially half brother to have any of these traits so just isolate yourself from these people. Go into seclusion and just stock up on canned vegetables and beans and stuff.... you know.... like that villain in the 1990's Dennis the Menace movie.
DEAR ABBY: How do you refer to someone who is in your family through marriage, but is not your in-law? If I'm talking about "my son's wife's mother," is there a quicker way to say it? -- MAGGIE IN NEW YORK CITY
DEAR MAGGIE: Definitely! Refer to her as "my daughter-in-law's mother."
DEAR MAGGIE: Call her a bitch and punch her in the face. One of these scenarios.